This is my blog
Hello i'm going to go to France to do aikido for the next few months, despite this, I am lazy and don't want to have to keep up writing long and probably relatively uninteresting blog posts - however, I have decided to do a 'one word' blog. That is, each day, (when I remember to) I will write one word that captures the day/moment for me - or maybe a song or picture. I have decided also to add a wee caption so its not too obscure! We'll see how it goes along. Anyway, cher amis, enjoy.
First word: Heartstrings.... Song: Smokey Taboo by Coco Rosie http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdxDV3qBq4o
Heading off, quite naturally, I became nostalgique for the people and places I was leaving behind...this always happens for me and is nice as it reconfirms who/what I care about;
Word: Boats!... Song: Dans Le Port d'Amsterdam by Jacques Brel http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xtxbpoR6KQ
I took the ferry from Newcastle to my first stop Amsterdam. There were three bars, a club, fancy boutiques and restaurants on the boat, I think there was a casino too. It was a strange zone of wigged out brits - capitalism in full swing. I liked to stand on the deck and let the splashing of the boat in the sea send spray up into my face and hair, this made me happy, however I learnt that the sound of the boats is deafening many dolphins and wales - that made me less happy;
Word: Surprises... Song: If 6 was 9 by Jimi Hendrix http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZymMCHb9f4Y&feature=related
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First days at Hildas dutch home her grandfather from Sweden shows up out of the blue (random), long cycle rides are had and I find a huge hedgehog in the garden. Hilda recieved many squeezes.
Word: Jazz... Song: A love Supreme (Part 1 - Acknowledgement) by John Coltrane www.youtube.com/watch?v=xuSsZmJCFas&feature=related
My long time desire to go to a Jazz bar in Amsterdam is realised. Also staying with a jazz pianist and drummer.
Word: Anonymity... Song: Electricity by Captain Beefheart http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8eRDkiwGMM
I have reached Paris and bask in the feeling of freedom found in a big unexplored city, everything seems beautiful, the french are helpful and I enjoy speaking thier language - I roam the streets trying my best to look exactly like I belong here and feeling it too - yet to do any aikido though!!
Word: Discipline... Song: The doctor by Motorhead http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KgtdgSMZWM
So far absolutely loving everything here. The people are lovely, the aikido is SUPREME and even though I am tired (the full moon keeps me awake for the last four days and trying to talk and listen all day in French is playing tricks with my language abilities and seriously taking up brain space! - also quite stimulating) I feel full of energy when I think of going to class. So I am super happy, and discipline comes easily, without the connotations of struggle many associate it with.
Just moved to the house of my friend Sofia who lives a little out of the city, this is only until my flat is free in 2 weeks, then I will be in Marie de Montreuil and closer to the dojo's - which by the way are gorgeous.
Ah yes, I am tired but happy.
Just moved to the house of my friend Sofia who lives a little out of the city, this is only until my flat is free in 2 weeks, then I will be in Marie de Montreuil and closer to the dojo's - which by the way are gorgeous.
Ah yes, I am tired but happy.
Word: Boundaries... Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJKX9Z86WuY
Thinking about how does one overstep ones own boundaries? I really love stretching out of my normal comfort zones, travelling is good for that. It's good practice in generally maintaining a contentment that is not dependent on your circumstances so much....Speaking of which I saw a man playing guitar on the metro, I was struck by his face that seemed to hold a great capacity for happiness. The friend I stay with now is from former Yogoslavia and our talks and my memories of Serbia remind me of the simple, simple pleasure in life, no complications just, the little things, are all that is needed. Joy can be found anywhere.
Word: News... Reccomended Viewing:Waste Landhttp://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/regions/americas/brazil/110224/waste-land-academy-awards-documentary
A few funny things of late: Walking past a pharmacie I saw an enormously fat tabby cat had sneaked into the shop and was behind the display in the window sleeping in the sun and, no doubt, reveling in being on display and at his own sneakyness. This absolutely made my day.
I have now seen my flat to be, it's gorgeous...I encourage visits, there is enough space. But bear in mind my crazy schedule! At the moment i'm at Sofia's, it's fine but small and far out from the city, and i'm sleeping on the couch. Great to see Sofia, she's a sweety pie.
I bought a new bokken....it rocks.
I am finding a strange joy in weird things, for example doing 200 ukemi just when I know I need to work on falling well on my right side. It's good!
I have now seen my flat to be, it's gorgeous...I encourage visits, there is enough space. But bear in mind my crazy schedule! At the moment i'm at Sofia's, it's fine but small and far out from the city, and i'm sleeping on the couch. Great to see Sofia, she's a sweety pie.
I bought a new bokken....it rocks.
I am finding a strange joy in weird things, for example doing 200 ukemi just when I know I need to work on falling well on my right side. It's good!
Word: Body... Song: The body breaks by Devendra Banhart http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VqvlfveHTQ8
I don't think I need to explain anything here :P
Except I found out recently that red haired people feel more pain on average that other hair colours...lucky me eh?
Except I found out recently that red haired people feel more pain on average that other hair colours...lucky me eh?
Word: Exhaustion... Song: Fashion by Davie Bowie http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x1ygj0_david-bowie-fashion_music
In Paris, everyone has high heels. And there some totally amazing outfits, it rocks. I love people watching.
Yesterday I saw a man wearing nothing but a thong walking on his own down a busy boulevard with a big grin pasted accross his face, then I got into the metro and three drunk young guys form the middle east where singing soulfully songs of jihad, it was moving in an ironic way. Everyone has thier own wierd religion, even me with my obsession for aikido - it's a bit like a religion. I've been thinking about this lately, what it can mean, what is my motivation etcetera...when it comes down to it I feel I am moved beyond my rational self and there's not much I can do about it!
Yesterday I saw a man wearing nothing but a thong walking on his own down a busy boulevard with a big grin pasted accross his face, then I got into the metro and three drunk young guys form the middle east where singing soulfully songs of jihad, it was moving in an ironic way. Everyone has thier own wierd religion, even me with my obsession for aikido - it's a bit like a religion. I've been thinking about this lately, what it can mean, what is my motivation etcetera...when it comes down to it I feel I am moved beyond my rational self and there's not much I can do about it!
Word: Twilight... Deeper underground by Jamiroquai http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIUAC03YMlA
I saw my flat to be (moving in in June)...was in the day before yesterday? All days blur into one as I fly between places. Staying up late into the night and waking to traverse dark underground passage ways that seem to go on forever - i'm sure I new routes each time as well. Like some seperate city people do everything underground here, sleep, eat, cut thier toe nails, sell fruit and shoes...no doubt other things too, less innocent. It's a dark world unto it's own full of bristtling life and movement.
Currently I am staying far from the center of Paris, and my 'flatmates' for these two weeks are having floor shaking rows each night. It's a little hard for me! A challenge to be conspicuously not there in a space of about 20m sq. But they are away this weekend so I will regain peacefulness. Still I sleep little but the body goes on going despite this and I lie in bed pondering the days lesson....move from the hips, subtlety, the power in letting things fall as they will...mysteries inspiring.
Currently I am staying far from the center of Paris, and my 'flatmates' for these two weeks are having floor shaking rows each night. It's a little hard for me! A challenge to be conspicuously not there in a space of about 20m sq. But they are away this weekend so I will regain peacefulness. Still I sleep little but the body goes on going despite this and I lie in bed pondering the days lesson....move from the hips, subtlety, the power in letting things fall as they will...mysteries inspiring.
Word: Friendship... You're my best friend http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HaZpZQG2z10
Making friends with people is nice :)
Word: Soulful...Recommended reading - Poetry of Pushkin and Rumi Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbgl685AR30
Word: Uncertainty... Song: Livin' on the edge by Aerosmith http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8ypcqaW7p8
Finding uncertainty to be an increasingly useful state of mind. For example when you think you know how something works (for example an aikido 'move') it's only when you begin to doubt your knowing of it that a breakthrough occurs and new learning is possible...this happens with other things too, like ideas about oneself, there comes a time when one can let go of an old idea, or become less certain of it, then something new happens and it's quite interesting. However where can this lead us I wonder? Into what levels of uncertainty is it safe to go exploring? The mind boggles...
Right now i'm listening to some free styling singing from my french 'flatmate'...rockin'
Right now i'm listening to some free styling singing from my french 'flatmate'...rockin'
Word: Sparkles... Song Sparkle by Live http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilgNJS6vtHE
Today for some unknown reason the floor of the dojo was littered with tiny little sparkles that, inevitably, got ALL over everyones clothes, hands and faces. It's hard to take someone seriously when their hakama is sparkling like that...:P
Word: Boredom...
Hmm, for the first time since I arrived I have had the awareness of potential boredom...not with aikido of course!!...but there are bucket loads of hours around my training in which I have not a great deal to do and it's dawning on me that those hours might become a little tedious if I don't start a project of some kind...
When I get into Paris it will be easier because I can wander around aimlessly in the streets and enjoy just hanging around int he atmosphere there, but here in Orly, it's really quite uninteresting. Maybe I will go for a run today.
There has been a request for photo's too, so I will try.
When I get into Paris it will be easier because I can wander around aimlessly in the streets and enjoy just hanging around int he atmosphere there, but here in Orly, it's really quite uninteresting. Maybe I will go for a run today.
There has been a request for photo's too, so I will try.
Word: Perseverance...Little yellow Spider by Devenrda Banhart http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlJGgbMKTzQ
I found a funny museum yesterday in between classes. (I did 6 hours yesterday hence 'perseverance' at first I thought i'd lost totally my mind and forgotten everything but pushing through paid off, and took a nice chunk out of my forever present and ugly pride. Here are some photo's.
Word: Routine... A day in the Life by the Beatles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Q9D4dcYng
Here's a little bit about my day to day. I usually get back to Sofia's about half 11 pm, her and her GF will be sitting on the couch which is also my bed watching TV and smokin' fags. I will maybe eat something, rub my aching body and wait for them to go to bed. This is usually 1am or so...these guys seem to really need very little sleep. Then I fold out the bed, crash, usually can't fall asleep for ages at the moment, wake up at 6am to Aline getting ready, then at 8am as Sofia leaves, then I get up at 9 or so, shower etc, wash gi's, pack bag, take train to first class - today weapons - at whichever venue it's at. Mostly it takes an hour and a half travel time from here. The train station is where I see the tiny train and then I take the metro's in Paris and see other kinds of wierd stuff.
First class over (if it's just one) shower, find somewhere to eat, wander around till 4.30 or so, head to next class 5.15 till 10 (3 classes), shower, reverse the journey home plus one stop as it's a dodgy area so I have to go one plus to avoid the estate.
...Repeat...
(with minor variations depending on frequency of classes - this is my busiest day)
Next week I will get the keys to a flat in Paris and be closer to the dojo's....and also able to fall asleep when I need to, nap in the middle of the day etc. Bring it on.
First class over (if it's just one) shower, find somewhere to eat, wander around till 4.30 or so, head to next class 5.15 till 10 (3 classes), shower, reverse the journey home plus one stop as it's a dodgy area so I have to go one plus to avoid the estate.
...Repeat...
(with minor variations depending on frequency of classes - this is my busiest day)
Next week I will get the keys to a flat in Paris and be closer to the dojo's....and also able to fall asleep when I need to, nap in the middle of the day etc. Bring it on.
Word: Cowardice... Song: Wasting Time by Fingathing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEXvhy3g2KE
Don't you hate that 'could have been' feeling?
Cowardice and bravery are ends of the same stick. Perhaps it's just a matter of perspective.
Yesterday I went to see the film 'Minuit a Paris' - I quite liked it, it made me want to write more. But the main actor really irritates me and I felt a little odd about the fact that Nicholas Sarkozy's wife is in the film.
Cowardice and bravery are ends of the same stick. Perhaps it's just a matter of perspective.
Yesterday I went to see the film 'Minuit a Paris' - I quite liked it, it made me want to write more. But the main actor really irritates me and I felt a little odd about the fact that Nicholas Sarkozy's wife is in the film.
Word: Surrender
When naked I look like a dalmation I am so covered in bruises, I ache, I crunch in places there was no crunching before, my body is changing rapidly before my eyes and there is no stopping it now. Each day is a new discovery of how tired one can be and still carry on.
I am also under constant critique from everyone around me - 'don't stand up like that', 'lean forward more', 'that doesn't work', 'tie your belt' etc. It's quite full on and interesting to be so in a state of...surrender.
It's like a liberation of cares, a dropping of pretense and stress, a weird, sad freedom...this is my current frame of mind.
I am also under constant critique from everyone around me - 'don't stand up like that', 'lean forward more', 'that doesn't work', 'tie your belt' etc. It's quite full on and interesting to be so in a state of...surrender.
It's like a liberation of cares, a dropping of pretense and stress, a weird, sad freedom...this is my current frame of mind.
Word: Normality...Not now Cato! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IA8QrOAghZ0
Today was the first day where I have begun to feel a little bit normal at last. After two days of good sleep (thank you Andromeda and Matieu for letting me stay at yours) I was able to rise late, dress nicely - i even put earings on! - have a slow and civlised breakfast and go exploring. I found many things, a lot of parks, a big jumbling market with old books, carpets and lots of random crap that I wonder who on earth would buy. There was lots of cute little things there. I bought a few comic books. Walked on, warm sun, got caught in between a swarm of playing children with water guns, walked on. Met Sofia by the canal for a drink before her rehearsal.
There are so many homeless people in Paris, I am beginning to recognise some of the beggars that haunt the underground passageways.
Still catching up on sleep...and food...mmm
Oh yeah, and I finally got my guitar out (happy face)
There are so many homeless people in Paris, I am beginning to recognise some of the beggars that haunt the underground passageways.
Still catching up on sleep...and food...mmm
Oh yeah, and I finally got my guitar out (happy face)
Word: Dreams...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lu81z2E6pE&feature=related
Been having intesnsely real dreams lately, which is nice cos at least it proves I am sleeping! Last night I was supposed to move into my new flat but...horror...the girl who's renting it to me missed her train so it was back to Sofia's after a long day (tuesday I have 6hrs) - aching knees and that mauvaise click clack excuse for a bed!!! :P But it was again nice to see Sofia . Today I came early to Paris to sleep at Andromeda's and collect my things. The good news is the girl will help me move my things in her car...which is ace cos I can tell you struggling up and down metro stairs with wheely case, guitar and weapons is not the most pleasant expereince, and to top it off I now have a bag full of cutlery and such for the flat.
So everything is working out well as normal, despite my feeling sorry for myself.
I have also had my first few dreams in French...possibly incorrect French but nonetheless I am quite pleased. Mostly body words too, epaule contre epaule...that's directly out of a class :P
I have discovered listening to Radio helps with the language learning too, it seems more interesting that UK radio.
Tommorow there is some kind of holiday so no aikido for the day, I am going to go exploring with my new friend (yay) Aline who also does aikido and is pretty cool.
So everything is working out well as normal, despite my feeling sorry for myself.
I have also had my first few dreams in French...possibly incorrect French but nonetheless I am quite pleased. Mostly body words too, epaule contre epaule...that's directly out of a class :P
I have discovered listening to Radio helps with the language learning too, it seems more interesting that UK radio.
Tommorow there is some kind of holiday so no aikido for the day, I am going to go exploring with my new friend (yay) Aline who also does aikido and is pretty cool.
Word: Home...Song - Please imagine me dancing around to this - it was literally the very first thing I did when I got into the flat (i'm doing it now too :P ) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7lu81z2E6pE&feature=related
I have now moved into my onn flat in the north of Paris. It's small but lovely with a great open balcony looking over the forest and sweet cafe's below. It's quiet, I can sleep well here.
It's so nice to be able to really have my own (somewhat messy) space, to feel at liberty to do as I please. I finally feel like i'm living here.
Today I woke up super early and went to the 8.45 am class....this I can tell you is not normal for me, it was interesting to analyse the strange way my mind and body works at that hour...I even wrote a little poem about it, but I won't share that here, you'll have to ask me about it later. I was thinking to myself 'I really must be crazy to get up at the crack of dawn to wave around a wooden sword in a stiffling hot room for 2hours'.
It's so nice to be able to really have my own (somewhat messy) space, to feel at liberty to do as I please. I finally feel like i'm living here.
Today I woke up super early and went to the 8.45 am class....this I can tell you is not normal for me, it was interesting to analyse the strange way my mind and body works at that hour...I even wrote a little poem about it, but I won't share that here, you'll have to ask me about it later. I was thinking to myself 'I really must be crazy to get up at the crack of dawn to wave around a wooden sword in a stiffling hot room for 2hours'.
Word: Heat...Song: Hello by Lionel Ritchie (just b'freakin'cause) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iz0Oq6ifH-8&feature=related
Let me tell you it is HOT here at the moment. I had two classes today and I have NEVER, I mean NEVER sweated so much in my entire life...i'm sure it's good for my lymph or whatever but it's kind of gross and I feel sorry for the peeps I am training with.
On top of two classes I went to see an official 1st Dan grading today for the whole of Paris. On the whole I must say I was quite dissapointed in the level I saw there. There wasn't much dynamism and some people seemed like they'de never even held a jo before which I found both amusing and a little sad. What will happen to the purity of the sport I wonder? It really wasn't so beautiful.
p.s. I'm not sure how to work this into the theme but - there is a woman in the class who must be at least over 60 (she's definately older and more frail that my mum anyway) and I was practicing with her the other day - let me tell you, it felt quite odd to be throwing her around like that!
It's nice to practice strength in softness :)
On top of two classes I went to see an official 1st Dan grading today for the whole of Paris. On the whole I must say I was quite dissapointed in the level I saw there. There wasn't much dynamism and some people seemed like they'de never even held a jo before which I found both amusing and a little sad. What will happen to the purity of the sport I wonder? It really wasn't so beautiful.
p.s. I'm not sure how to work this into the theme but - there is a woman in the class who must be at least over 60 (she's definately older and more frail that my mum anyway) and I was practicing with her the other day - let me tell you, it felt quite odd to be throwing her around like that!
It's nice to practice strength in softness :)
Word: Eavesdropping Band:The X e.g. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQm5VIjXwV4&feature=related
I've been imposing myself on relative strangers and eavesdropping on neighbours, all to encourage my French. Ha Ha
Andromeda recommended this band. I'm into it. Today I will sit listening to different music on the internet...I love music.
Andromeda recommended this band. I'm into it. Today I will sit listening to different music on the internet...I love music.
Word: Thunderstorms
The last two nights there have been insanely large thunderstorms in Paris, absolutely gorgeous despite the damage they are doing to trees, houses etcetera. I could actually see amazing fork lightning right across the sky outside my window/balcony and it was going all pink in the darkening sky and the second night the bolts where more in the distance but went on for HOURS! You can see a video of this on my facebook page (april qoi).
Timing
waka waka waka waka timin' is the thiiiiing, it's true...
Cats
Sometimes when I watch someone or 'play' with someone who's aikido I really love I see them as big graceful cats. Scott is a perfect example of this, he looks often to me like a large panther. Smooth muscled and elegant, poised. There are many adjectives I could use to describe what I mean. I am learning to try to tap into this energy, this catness.
I have been feeding a stray black cat to appease the cat gods. I dreamt about kittens last night....ah to be feline.
Yesterday someone was injured in class...it really rattled me badly, I couldn't concentrate after and felt over emotional...perhaps it was just the space I was in and the event opened it up for me, however as usual I pushed through...(and had a little cry on my own when I got home : P )
I have been feeding a stray black cat to appease the cat gods. I dreamt about kittens last night....ah to be feline.
Yesterday someone was injured in class...it really rattled me badly, I couldn't concentrate after and felt over emotional...perhaps it was just the space I was in and the event opened it up for me, however as usual I pushed through...(and had a little cry on my own when I got home : P )
Tenderness
So there was some thoughts I missed on the last note. About the guy who hurt his ankle...there was a moment when I was watching him lying on the mat, clearly in a lot of pain and two of his friends around him, one holding his foot and organising some ice to be brought and the other sooooo tenderly wiping the sweat from his forehead and stroking his head....really I think it was one of those moments that I won't ever forget, that tenderness and sweetness. Maybe it was also that that upset me, I realised that I wasn't able to freely give that kind of affection to someone easily...it's sad actually, but something to work on.
The other thing I have been meaning to write down is - until recently I have never before felt so at ease getting completely naked, and taking a shower no less, in front of virtual strangers doing the same thing. It feels very natural and i'm glad that i've had that experience now.
The other thing I have been meaning to write down is - until recently I have never before felt so at ease getting completely naked, and taking a shower no less, in front of virtual strangers doing the same thing. It feels very natural and i'm glad that i've had that experience now.
Mistakes...Band: The Ex http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doyj11R8yxo&feature=BFa&list=PL91FDB126E77C95EB&index=1
As I know more I know less...definately true of this learning now. I've reached (again) a point where I realise the immensity of the knowledge that I have no clue of. I think I was getting a little above my station in the pride department, something I want to remain cautious of. In fact there are so many things that I still really can't do well at all....I hope perhaps one day I will learn the knacks but we shall see.
Also I bungled the band Andromeda was talking about it not X but 'The Ex' - which in fact is much much better. I have attached a playlist and I reccomend listening to at least half an hour of it whilst doing whatever you are doing. Some of the video's are fun too, them with a circus and them with a brass band ezpecially.
Also I bungled the band Andromeda was talking about it not X but 'The Ex' - which in fact is much much better. I have attached a playlist and I reccomend listening to at least half an hour of it whilst doing whatever you are doing. Some of the video's are fun too, them with a circus and them with a brass band ezpecially.
Silence...
I bashed my knee quite badly on sunday, there was an extra course making my total of aikido that week up to 30hours...I am officially insane. Knee will be ok but it seems to be a danger of doing aikido. After the course I hung out with th eothers form the course and drank beer and ate food. It was really fun, I wish so badly that I could speak French more though, I am desperate to communiate with these guys!
On the flip side it's kind of nice not having to speak at all...I once had the idea to go into silence for amonth and see how it affected me. At the time I was fed up with the stupid things I felt I was saying and others were talking about...perhaps a little idealistic but it is interesting to experience that a little now. I think in a way it makes me notice more of the subtle things.
On the flip side it's kind of nice not having to speak at all...I once had the idea to go into silence for amonth and see how it affected me. At the time I was fed up with the stupid things I felt I was saying and others were talking about...perhaps a little idealistic but it is interesting to experience that a little now. I think in a way it makes me notice more of the subtle things.
Anger...Song: (explicit lyrics - not for work) ha ha ha http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNh99U8i_8o
Today I got really pissed off at a few people I was training with...I hope I managed to conceal my inner rage but it was hard. One guy kept on talking through every single movement he was doing in the most patronising way and knowing full well I don't speak French and rrraaa. It wasn't a good experience..except that I managed to keep my cool. With anger comes guilt I found too, I really didnt' want to feel that ugly anger and it made me all hard and nasty and my aikido ugly which wasn't good. I felt like a schitzoid flipping between rage and affection.
ahhh...I also laughed quite a lot today, a day full of extremes
ahhh...I also laughed quite a lot today, a day full of extremes
Hookie...Song: Sleeing bag by Groundation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6r11STImmYE
Tommorow i'm playing hookie and going to a gig...shhh, don't tell.
Word: Secret
Ok so I must confess. I made a secret visit back to Scotland this weekend...SORRY TO THOSE I DIDN'T SEE!!!! I didn't have much time or energy so I really had to keep it just to special folks. Although I wouldn't want anyone to think that they are not special to me if I didn't se them....it's just I have quite a few special people. Magically I had my debit and credit card delivered before I arrived (thank the heavens - now all transport booked 'sept the ferry to Scotland) I lazed, I dazed and I dreamt of nice things. Three sisters and three cats and I ate fish and chips and hid chocolate in a strangers car.
I suppose I should also say here, some of you know already, that I am THINKING about, note, THINKING, moving to Paris. Since most of you either live in other countries already or are about to I hope you shall not all begrudge me too greatly this. I am happier here in general...but the descision is torturing me...many thoughts in many directions all clouding the heart which is the really where my ears should be...ah well. I'll keep you updated anyway.
I suppose I should also say here, some of you know already, that I am THINKING about, note, THINKING, moving to Paris. Since most of you either live in other countries already or are about to I hope you shall not all begrudge me too greatly this. I am happier here in general...but the descision is torturing me...many thoughts in many directions all clouding the heart which is the really where my ears should be...ah well. I'll keep you updated anyway.
Word: Sadness... Song: Torn between 'Get Over It' by the Eagles http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kslHr7_9Zac and 'Famous Blue Raincoat' by Leonard Cohen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fMnF0Fvdpo always makes me cry
Today I am full of sadness and self pity, perhaps my word should be 'WALLOW' It's a shame because it's been a good day, full of promise and sweetness. But me I am bitter. Ah well sometimes it goes like this eh?
Music
Today was the festival of music, I love music, it sustains me, keeps me company and indulges my moods. Also Gabby was in class and invited me for a beer after. It was nice although there weer several other appointments I had trouble with this week, I'm beggining to feel more at home. Everyone here is lovely, although I am naive and fearful like always. The town was alive with music and dancing, I wish I had the personality to partake in this...actually this is the same day as sadness...my sombre stupidity silences all enjoyment except for over self reflective longing for what I am not...BOOO...
Word: Heat...Song's:I'm burnin' for you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTvbXMRMnHo and Where did our love gohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izzKUoxL11E
The city is baking, so am I. Clothes dry in minutes but the body stays damp with it's own moisture...training is hard, but happiness is easy. Sleep is yet to be determined.
Word: Dancing...Song: Dancin' in the street http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9G4jnaznUoQ
Satruday was a geat day...what fun fun fun. It was Gay pride...thanks for inviting me Sofia that rocked, hundreds of gay (in both meanings of the word) people dancing in the street and drinking desperado's. Saw some fantastic outfits, took lots of photo's. Later that night went to Aline's house and drank chanpagne, then went to the aikido club party chez Mathieu....oh my goodness, what fun. I got very drunk, danced A LOT, talked to handsome boys and managed to have a conversation about philosophy in French, I am very proud of myself. Stayed till half 5am then took the early metro home and slept.
All in all it was a fantastic day.
Sunday after it was a million degrees and my brain was on some serious downtime, I went to see a fantastic jazz orchestra with acrobat performances combined in a gorgeous park in the baking heat...later on I watched 'Frida' with Salma Hayek and cried. Today I felt fuzzy in training and accidentally stuck my finger in someone's mouth...it's funny when that kind of thing happend but also a bit embarrasing.
All in all it was a fantastic day.
Sunday after it was a million degrees and my brain was on some serious downtime, I went to see a fantastic jazz orchestra with acrobat performances combined in a gorgeous park in the baking heat...later on I watched 'Frida' with Salma Hayek and cried. Today I felt fuzzy in training and accidentally stuck my finger in someone's mouth...it's funny when that kind of thing happend but also a bit embarrasing.
Word: Descisions...Song: I'm so excited by Pointer Sisters http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-LbvFckptY
Soooo....still think I might move to Paris, I have met so many lovely people here. Not that I don't love people in Ed, I just haven't managed to really connect with many.
I have to decide soon. It's a bit exciting/daunting. There are many things to figure out. I have already had the offer of staying with a friend but I have fear of that a little, I woudn't want it to becoem difficult and lose her. hum hum hum, what to do?
I have to decide soon. It's a bit exciting/daunting. There are many things to figure out. I have already had the offer of staying with a friend but I have fear of that a little, I woudn't want it to becoem difficult and lose her. hum hum hum, what to do?
Word: Discovery...Song I'm a mindless Idiot by the Meat Puppets http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=US&feature=related&v=buQeBhrYfrg
Moving to Paris on tuesday, have left this blog a while and probably will just finish it here. I just wanted to round it off a little by saying what an adventure it all has been in Paris and deciding to move there and the falling in and out of love with places and fear and excitement and just trying to be a decent human and how great that can be. I don't mean to be flippant but I don't think blogs are really my thing.
Discovered the Meat Puppets after listening to Nirvana in a fit of teenage remembrance, I quite dig them. Enjoy and much love to you allxxx
Discovered the Meat Puppets after listening to Nirvana in a fit of teenage remembrance, I quite dig them. Enjoy and much love to you allxxx
It's been a long time and i've been reflecting on the annoyance of unfinished projects - here therefore is the long promised poem - for me more than for you.
Heartstrings,
plucked,
like the rhythm of boats,
floating on blue skies,
reflected what surprises,
in some sweet tempo of jazz,
where anonymity breeds -
it's own special brand of discipline,
cornering on boundaries,
it's just old news,
when this body's exhaustion
carries me into twighlight,
and the discovering of friendships
gives a fearful,
soulful,
uncertainty,
to the sparkles in our eyes.
Boredom, perseverance, routine
- these are the beautiful discipline.
To cowardice we must not surrender,
nor to the normality,
whiich scares us into dreams,
away from home,
blistering in heat,
as yet unseen,
eavesdropping on thunderstorms,
the timing of it all...
cat's,
thier feline tenderness,
allow for our mistakes,
which silence only echoes,
letting space for anger,
if we are playng hookie with the soul,
it's a secret I can tell you,
that sadness holds,
and music knows,
when the heat of our ever dancing descisions,
leads us to self discovery.
Heartstrings,
plucked,
like the rhythm of boats,
floating on blue skies,
reflected what surprises,
in some sweet tempo of jazz,
where anonymity breeds -
it's own special brand of discipline,
cornering on boundaries,
it's just old news,
when this body's exhaustion
carries me into twighlight,
and the discovering of friendships
gives a fearful,
soulful,
uncertainty,
to the sparkles in our eyes.
Boredom, perseverance, routine
- these are the beautiful discipline.
To cowardice we must not surrender,
nor to the normality,
whiich scares us into dreams,
away from home,
blistering in heat,
as yet unseen,
eavesdropping on thunderstorms,
the timing of it all...
cat's,
thier feline tenderness,
allow for our mistakes,
which silence only echoes,
letting space for anger,
if we are playng hookie with the soul,
it's a secret I can tell you,
that sadness holds,
and music knows,
when the heat of our ever dancing descisions,
leads us to self discovery.